Back - Temporarily - Had to post this!

(bringing this back to the top for those who wanted to see it again)

This is sub-titled "How to break an oven door!" Please reference the diagram for this discussion!

Okay..by now..most of you are probably thinking I take great pleasure from blogging about the misfortunes of my family! This is furthest from the truth! In all actuality, this is documentation of events in case Children and Family Services ever decides to come and investigate. I need to have witnesses to the calamity to prove that I have absolutely nothing to do with any of this! They would never believe me. I can't possibly make up this stuff!

So..reference the diagram. This is the floorplan to the first floor of my house. Those are the steps in the middle that Kylie fell down. She was only on the third step..still don't know exactly how she did it! Anyway..moving on. This is about how the oven door got broken that I referenced in this post Don't put the puppy in the oven! I figured you guys need to see this layout in order to be able to get the same picture that I did.

So..here's the key.. R = Ryan, K = Kylie, and Mx = Max (the puppy). This is where each of them were when it happened. I purposely left off Mary...you'll understand why in the moment.

So..I'm at work. I get my usual "hubby check" phone call from Mary. It's the usual daily banter about how my day is going, how her day is going, some of the stuff she's done around the house, etc. She was sitting in the master bedroom watching her soaps while she was talking to me. She had told me that one of the things she had done that day was to polish the wood floors in the living and dining rooms. While we're talking she tells me to hang on..I asked her what was going on...she's walking out to the kitchen when she says.."Shit! I'm gonna have to call you back." I asked her what's going on. She says that Ryan got hold of the floor polish and soaked the dog with it. So..I told her I would call her later and let her go so she could deal with that little problem.

It was only about 15 minutes later when she calls back frantically - Ryan is crying hysterically in the background...she must be holding Kylie in her arms because Kylie is crying also and it's very hard to hear anything else but her....here's that conversation ---

Mary - Oh my God! You'll never believe what just happened?

Me - What? What happened? (I'm getting worried..everything that could possibly go wrong is going through my head right now...dog is poisoned because of the floor polish...Kylie fell again reinjuring her arm...Ryan was running from Mary and busted open his head again..etc etc)

Mary - I'm not sure I should tell you!

Me - What? What's going on?

Mary - You will never believe me. It's probably the stupidest thing I've ever done! (She sounds like she's getting ready to cry now)

Me - What?

Mary - I broke the oven door!

Me - You broke the oven door? How the hell did you do that?

Mary - Well, not exactly the door. I shattered the glass in the oven door.

Me - Really? Are you okay? What happened?

Mary - I don't know if I should tell you. You'll probably laugh at me.

Me - Okay..seriously. What happened? I won't laugh.

Mary - Promise?

Me - Promise.

Mary - Okay...I took the can of floor polish from Ryan. I guess when he was spraying it on Max, he got it on the floor also. As I turned to put it on the counter, I slipped and fell. When I fell I guess the floor polish flew out of my hand because next thing I knew.."BANG" the oven glass was shattered and sprayed everywhere! Did you know that stuff breaks up into tiny little pieces?

Me - (holding in the laugh now) - Really? I thought it was a plastic bottle?

Mary - It is! I don't know how it broke the glass. I guess I must've thrown it so hard that it just shattered the glass.

Me - (still trying to hold in the laugh) - Okay - so, is everyone okay? No one got hurt or cut by the glass?

Mary - Well..no. But, when I fell, I screamed..the glass shattered and went everywhere and made a very loud noise..which scared Kylie so she started screaming, and it scared Max and he's still soaked so he went slipping through all the glass, then Ryan realized what happened and all he could think to ask me was "How are we going to eat now?" and I told him I won't be able to use the oven..so now he's crying.

Long long long silence as I am trying so hard not to just break down laughing hysterically myself now. I have the full image of this now playing out in my head..and..knowing how clumsy and klutzy the three of them are..plus..Ryan only thinking about food...It was almost too much (plus, everyone was okay)!

Mary - Are you still there?

Me - mmm hmmm

Mary - You're laughing aren't you?

Me - mmph no

Mary - Yes you are!

Me - uh uh.

Mary - You promised!

Me - (Straining with everything I have to not laugh) hhnnn! Gotta call you back!

Mary - Fine!

NOTE to DCFS: Really! I didn't make this up!